Today, I am going to be speaking to you guys all about my mental health and medication. I have been blogging now for almost a decade. That means that for the best part of 10 years, I have been speaking openly about my mental health. I can remember, back when I was 16 and I sat down to write my first blog post about my OCD and depression, I was terrified. Honestly, I had no idea how people would respond and if I would get torn to shreds. All of this time later, regardless of what others may think, I believe that it is so important to speak openly about these things. Only with open communication can we influence change and help those that need it. Today, I am going to be delving into my experience with medication.
Where I am at now.
I feel that just for transparency, I should start by telling you guys where I am at now. I have now been off my anti-depressants for around 6 months. At the time, I absolutely needed to be on them. However, whilst I was on them, I had a period of clarity and I put measures in place to manage my mental health without medication. Remember though, I have been dealing with my mental health conditions for well over 10 years. Day to day, I deal with my thoughts and feelings in a calculated manor that works for me. Now, I am using my coping mechanisms and I am doing really well.
Why I needed to go on medication.
The reason why I needed to go on medication was because I was losing myself. I was going through a period of high stress and my mind was running at a million miles per hour. It was affecting my breathing; I was having panic attacks and I couldn’t tell which way was up. Normally, before things get to this stage, I can give myself a talking to, make a list or two and I am back on track. For months on end, there was no back on track. Every single day was just sheer panic, and I was left dreading another day of the same feelings. My doctor without a doubt encouraged me to go in medication. Which I accepted.
How it was finding the right fit.
The thing that you always hear about anti-depressants is that it is hard to find the right one for you. There are so many different tablets out there and it isn’t a one size fits all kind of thing. The first tablets that I was put on made me absolutely wired and I didn’t sleep for around 3 weeks. The next set of tablets made me have a horrendous upset stomach and I lost the best part of a stone (and I don’t have a stone to lose). Finally, I settled on one which made me feel quite numb, but that worked for me and what I was looking for.
How I have benefitted since starting.
The one thing that the anti-depressants made me feel was clarity. With my OCD, ideas and thoughts run around my head like I am a crazy lady. As I mentioned, normally a good think and a well organised list sets me on the right path. When I go into a depressive state, that is impossible. The addition of the medication helped me to take all of the thoughts that were running around my head and I was able to compartmentalise them all again. I needed that for my own well-being. I felt much more lifted and so much better within myself. Not going to lie, excitement and joy had left the building also, but I needed to be in that neutral mode and I would rather not feel anything, than feel everything too intense.
I hope that you guys liked reading this blog post. I know that it is a little bit of a detour from my normal content, but it is so very important to discuss. Honestly, I can remember feeling so ashamed that I needed tablets to help me with my condition. Growing up, I heard of other people with mental health issues, but I never heard anybody speak about medication. Or if I did, it was all under hushed voices. The main reason why I write openly about these things is because I don’t want there to be a stigma. I want people to be able to write about their mental health and talk about it without looks of sympathy or concern.
If you do feel like you need help and support with your mental health, please click here.