Friday, 14 August 2020

My Mental Health and Where I Am At Now



For today’s blog post I wanted to sit down and speak to you guys about something that is incredibly close to my heart and that is mental health. I am always very open and honest when it comes to my struggles with mental health disorders because I think that if just one person out there can relate to what I am speaking about or I can help one person, then I am doing something right. I can remember when I was first diagnosed with OCD and depression, I was so deeply ashamed that I wasn’t fully in control of my own mind and I was simply let down in myself. The more research that I did and the more research that I read online, I realised that I wasn’t in this on my own and that is what I want people to feel like if they happen to see this blog post.

 

So, as a backstory on myself. In my late teens, I would get very wound up regarding things that should not have affected me as much. This intensified over the space of a few years and after much back and forth to the doctors and a private facility, I was diagnosed with OCD. My options at the time were to medicate the condition or just carry on as I was. I decided just to perceiver and try to get a hold on how I was feeling and make changes to my daily life to help and manage my OCD. Throughout all of my efforts, at times my impulses and frustrations grew that large that I would sink into deep depression to the point where I could not get out of bed for weeks at a time, which is when I would have to rely on anti-depressants to make me more stable.

 

As I said, these days after living with the condition for such a long time I can help to manage my everyday life and I stick to a routine which I know works for me. The past couple of years had been pretty uneventful with regards to my mental health and for the first time in a very long time I felt like I was once again in control of my own mind. That was until the Coronavirus hit and every single routine and plan that I have worked hard to put in place over the past couple of years both with my personal and work life came crashing down and I was back at square one and in a blind panic. I sank into a depression again and the climb back to ‘normality’ was incredibly difficult for me.

 

I was in a panic about catching the virus, passing it onto my grandma that I care for, my husband was still having to go to work and visit hospitals and I was simply terrified. Even though my OCD is not normally centred around cleanliness, due to the virus and the climbing numbers in the number of deaths, I quickly grew fearful of leaving the house and everything that was happening around me. I was also working from home which even though I felt safe in my own home, I also became very reclusive and that routine that I once longed for so much was ripped to shreds and I felt like I was going absolutely crazy trapped inside my own home. I stopped wanted to get up, stopped wanting to get dressed in a morning and stopped wanting to function like normal. It was at that point that I realised that I had to make some big changes.


 I am not going to lie, and I will admit that it was an uphill climb to get to where I needed to be once again. I needed to speak to my councillor regularly to speak about my issues and we put a plan together of what I could do moving forward. I went back on my anti-depressants and after a couple of weeks I was feeling much lighter. It was just all about finding a new ‘normal’ in a world that was completely on its head. The reason why I wanted to write this post is because I feel like we have all been through the mill and I know that those suffering with mental health conditions have been rocked to their core. I just hope that you are all baring up ok, getting through this and now there is some light at the end of the tunnel that we can move on and put this mess behind us!


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