Thursday, 29 October 2020

The Baby Question

I wish that I had a pound for every time somebody asked me when I am going to have a baby because I would not need to work full time or write blog posts in an evening. I have no idea what happened but as soon as my husband and I got married and we exchanged rings, this is the only question that people ever ask us and to begin with we just brushed it off and rolled our eyes, but the longer that it goes on, the more it just fucking annoys me.


Honestly, I can remember being stood at our wedding reception and one of our aunties came up to us and asked if by our first anniversary there the pitter patter of tiny feet on the floor would be. I honestly think that my jaw hit the floor, but I didn’t want to act like the true bitch that I really am on my own wedding day, so I just brushed it off and tried to move on. Since that moment, we have had the question asked by family, colleague, friends and pretty much everybody that we meet when they find out that we have tied the knot.


The truth is that I do not know if I can have children.


I do not ovulate. I may have two periods a year, which are completely unplanned, and I am not able to track them in anyway. This would make conceiving incredibly different. At this moment in our life, we are not ready to start a family, so we are not trying, but should we attempt to start our own family, we know that it will be a very difficult process and I only have around a 5% chance of ever conceiving naturally as there is no way to track and monitor if I am ovulating.


My defence mechanism has always been acting like I do not want children at all. I got this news that I may never conceive when I was just 19, so ignorance was bliss and I didn’t think that much of it. Then over the years my now-husband and I made peace with the idea that it may never happen for us, but obviously as we get older and our family and friends of a similar age are starting their own families, there are maternal pangs within me that long for that, not necessarily right now, but to be a mother at some point.


But then I get great aunty Jan coming up to me while I am holding my niece to let me know that I will make a wonderful mother and she can tell that it will happen soon, I could honestly drop kick her.


I don’t want to write a blog post just moaning because I truly do know that people probably only have the best of intentions and because I have never really let my fertility issues public knowledge to those in my circle I cannot expect them to be sympathetic. But I just honestly do not think that in this day and age that we should be asking people this question anymore because there are so many reasons why a couple are not having a baby whether it is via their own choice or if it is out of their hands.


Make sure to leave me a comment down below and let me know if you have ever received this question and how do you answer!


1 comment

  1. I totally understand where you are coming from! I have gone back and forth on the issue my whole life. However! On the eve of my 41 birthday I can safely say your view WILL change when you start running out of time.
    My main suggestion would be think about freezing your eggs. At 26, you have plenty and the younger the better. I believe the cut off in UK is 42 years old for this procedure.

    Also, when the doctor said you only have a 5% chance naturally, there are quite a few things you can try that are not majorly expensive. For example, they can give you hormones to make you ovulate. And of course, they can put a fertilized egg in you as well.
    I am only commenting because I have personally waited perhaps too long to even try. Celebrities have kids over 40 all the time and make it look easy, but for many women fertility rapidly declines after 35.
    I understand that being told you probably won't means your defenses come up and so you say I don't care anyway.
    I admire you for talking about this publically.
    Good luck to you. May your life be fufilling whether you are a parent or not!!!


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